Onlangs
moes ek oor Wag skryf vir ‘n kompetisie by een van die skrywersgroepe waar ek
betrokke is.
En soos genoem in die stuk moes ek teen die tyd
al ‘n Meestersgraad hê in wag.
Daar was ‘n stadium wat ek baie ongeduldig was,
as ek nog ‘n skrif kry oor wag gil ek.
Voel julle ook so?
Ek het tot bekering gekom in 1992, om presies
te wees die 29ste Februarie. In die skrikkeljaar. Daardie dae is nog baie
lewendig in my gees. Ek was ongelooflik opgewonde oor God se Woord en het dit
letterlik opgeëet. Op daardie stadium was ek ‘n
huisvrou en het tyd tot my beskikking gehad om werklik in die woord te delf.
Alles was nuut, alles was bevraagteken; elke skrif, gebaar, tydvak ens. Die
predikant moes sy storie ken tydens bidure of huisbesoeke. Ek het letterlik
gevoel ek kan op water loop. Maar soos tyd aanbeweeg het, wou ek bruikbaar
wees. En soos enige nuwe gelowige wou ek in die gawes wandel. Ek wou ook “werk”
vir die Here. Nou ja, my perspektief het nogal baie verander wat dit betref
sedertdien.
Ja, ek het my gawes ontdek. Ja, God het my
begin gebruik. Dit was ‘n tree vir tree tydperk. En ja, ek het foute gemaak. Soos
enige jong gelowige maak struikel ons maar terwyl ons leer, en ons kweek as te
ware ons geloof. Dan begin die begeertes, en jy toets God daarin, net soos wat
Hy sê jy moet doen. En dan, so asof iemand die aanknoppie druk begin die wag
vir sekere deurbrake.
In daardie tyd was ek naïve en maar baie
opgewonde. Ek het geleer om te luister en saam ander gebid en vertrou vir mede
gelowiges se deurbrake en begeertes. Baie het waar gekom, deure het oopgegaan. Ons
het baie wonderwerke beleef. Bedieninge is begin en grootoog het ek toegekyk en
geglo dat ek ook geseën sal word met my eie bediening. Dit is, indien ek die
groeipad tot die einde toe voltooi. Maar helaas, dit het nie gebeur nie.
Ek praat nou nie van wag vir kos, of wag jou
beurt af, of wag ek is nou besig nie. Of wag in die ry by die bank of winkel
nie. Nee, ek praat van wag vir daardie droom, of ideale wat brandend in
jou binneste bly. Die drome wat jou ‘n
unieke wese maak en jou begeester op hierdie aarde. Dit is langsame tydperk wat
elke area van jou lewe toets; en nou, na amper 30 jaar, wag ek nog.
As kind wou ek altyd die wêreld sien, wou lugwaardin word maar my lengte het teen my getel. Die
Suid Afrikaanse Lugdiens se aansluitingsvorms was alreeds reg om gestuur te
word. Ek het Duits geneem as derde taal om internasionaal te kon vlieg, maar
als was tevergeefs. Ek was helaas te kort. Maak nie saak hoe lank ek gewag het
nie ek wou net nie langer word nie. Daardie droom het lank gevat om dood te
gaan. Eintlik, as ek eerlik moet wees, is dit nog lewend. Om die wereld te sien
‘n brandende droom wat net nie wil blus nie. Veral noudat my seun en beste
vriendin anderkant die groot waters bly.
Op 27 wou ek graag verder gaan studeer as
pastorale sielkundige maar die woord wag het sy opwagting gemaak in daardie
soeke. Skrifte het gedurigdeur opgekom oor wag.
Woord is ontvang oor wag en ek het gewag. Dae het maande geword en is
opgeneem in die jare daarna. In die begin het ek geglo dat God se tyd perfek
sal wees. Ek wou ook graag Israel besoek maar ek moes wag. Daar was nie
getoi-toi soos my mede landsburgers om my sin te kry nie. Nee, ek het gewag
soos ‘n gehoorsame kind dat God die deure sou oopmaak.
Die woord wag was later soos ‘n kniehalter wat
my met weersin gevul het. Tog het van die wag in vervulling gekom en het ons ‘n
besigheid in 2004 begin. Dit was werklikwaar ‘n wonderwerk, en ek dink baie aan
daardie tyd nog in eerbied. Ons het maand vir maand gegroei in die besigheid.
Kontrakte bekom, staff gekry en kon nie genoeg dankie sê nie. Toe word
dit weg gevat en moes ons wag vir nuwe geleenthede. Dit was ‘n geweldige skok
en het sy vernietigende spoor in ons lewe gelaat. Die wag vir ‘n wonderwerk om
daaruit te kom het nooit gekom nie. Ons het als verloor en op die ou einde is
die huwelik ook daarmee heen. Die sweef het ontaard in ‘n nagmerrie met geen
antwoorde nie.
Daar was geen towerstaffie wat ons lewens kom
aanraak en dit verander het nie. Die wagtydperk het my geleer om met niks klaar
te kom. Selfs kos. Wie het nou kos en krag en ‘n dak oor jou kop nodig as jy
moet wag, in elk geval? Wag het so ‘n geestelike konsep geword waarmee mense
jou wil sus. Indien jy nie wag nie dan voel dit jy is die een wat die pad
byster raak. Jy is die een wat die fout maak om oorhaastig te wees. Terwyl jy
eintlik net wil oorleef en jou menswaardigheid wil terug kry, maar nee, jy moet
wag. Ek moes baie veg teen die bitterheid wat by tye my oorweldig het. ‘n
Bitterheid wat als verswelg het.
Wag terwyl jy honger het.
Wag terwyl jy in donkerte sit.
Wag terwyl die kinders se lewe moet aangaan en
jy niks vir hulle kan doen nie.
Wag terwyl jou vrouwees tot in sy wese weg
geruk word en jy net ‘n dop is. Dit het veroorsaak dat ek opstandig geword het
net om weer die wêreld in die oë te kan kyk. Want
sien, daardie wag breek jou af, geestelik emosioneel en fisies. Jy gaan dood
van binne en haal net fisies asem. Daar is niks oor nie. Jy is afhanklik vir
alles van almal om jou en jy word as te ware ‘n las. Niemand gee dan om hoe jy
geleidelik sterf van binne nie. Daar is niemand met antwoorde nie. Geen
menslike raad wat jou uit hierdie pad uit ruk nie.
As ‘n goeie Christen moet jy wag totdat… maar
daardie totdat gebeur nie. Jy pleeg sonde omdat jy ongeduldig word. Omdat jy
God bevraagteken. Dan draai mense hul rug op jou.
Die ander deel daarvan, daar word op jou
neergekyk omdat jy, volgens dieselfde kritiese mense, niks doen om jou daaruit
te kry nie. Maar jy het niks om iets te doen mee nie! Maak ‘n lening, moes ons
menigmaal hoor, of gebruik daardie kredietkaart. Nee, ek het nie ‘n
kredietkaart nie. Onthou ek het als verloor. Ek is geswartlys en toe bankrot
verklaar. So verduidelik vir my watter kredietkaart moet ek gebruik om iets te
begin?
Dit is dan wat die mense stil word, oplaas het
hulle nie antwoorde nie en stap weg. Agterna moet jy hoor… hulle wil nie gehelp
word nie. RERIG? Dit is om van naar te word. Elke persoon se sienswyse oor hoe
jy moet oorleef verskil en jy word soos ‘n ping pong bal rondgeslinger tussen
elkeen se leerstellings.
As skrywer wag ek vir my deurbraak. In die
proses skryf ek en het ek al heelwat geleer van die boekwêreld. Ek het geleer om die Internet baie suksesvol te gebruik. Die wag
proses tog ‘n goeie tydperk van leer en groei.
My finansiele onafhanklikheid is nog iets
waarop ek moet wag. Elke moontlike deur vir werk slaan in my gesig toe. Verkoop
Avon, sal iemand sê… dit sal jou net R300 kos om die
eerste goed aan te koop… Nuus flits, ek het nie R300 nie. Jammer, dan kan ek
nie help nie. Verkoop Herbalife, dit kos net R500. Ek het nie R500 nie. Ag sit
dit op jou kredietkaart… rollende oë. Jy sal die geld vinnig terug maak. Dit is
sulke tye wat ek dan in vreemde tale wil praat. Wat verstaan mense dan nie?
Vir drie jaar het ek huise verkoop, sonder
sukses en gestop. Want dit kos geld om ‘n agent te wees. Ek het alles moontlik
gedoen om myself te bekwaam en daardie finansiele onafhanklikheid te verkry.
Maar moes dit stop.
Nou in my soeke na werk hoor ek nogsteeds, “Jou
deurbraak is om die deur. Jy moet net wag en glo.”
Ek het op ‘n plek gekom waar ek die drome
eenkant gesit het, maar dit is moeilik. My pad met wag duidelik nog nie op ‘n
einde nie. Wat ek nog moet leer, weet nugter. Maar ons wag. Want dit defineer
my geloof en my gehoorsaamheid.
So glo mense.
Wag is voorwaar nie vir sussies nie.
Wat het die onderwerp met diamante te doen, wonder jy heel moontlik?
Om ‘n diamant te word sluit ook ‘n wag tydperk in, nie waar nie. Vir ‘n
diamant om tot volle heerlikheid te kom is jare te kompakte donkerte nodig. Dit
is ‘n geskuur van aardplate om die gewenste sterk en skitterende diamant te kan
kry wat effektief glas kan sny.
Net soos jy, moet ek ook my pad stap. Dit is by tye onverstaanbaar, nie
waar nie.
Maar wat het ons al geleer in die wag tydperk?
Ons is aanpasbaar.
Ons kan enige probleem oorkom of self oorleef.
Ons leer nuwe vaardighede aan.
Ons leer om geduldig te raak.
Ons perspektief oor die lewe verander.
Ons naiewe uitkyk verander.
Ons word groot as te ware.
Omdat ek nog self antwoorde soek moes ek weereens my vingers die
soekwerk laat doen.
Ek het op ‘n paar websites afgekom waar dit eintlik baie goed verduidelik
word. Die een wat wel vir my uitgestaan was die inligting deur Isaiah Hankel.
Die skakel sal ook agterna beskikbaar wees op die blogpost.
You’re About To Have A Breakthrough…
Obstacles are like giant
rocks between you and your goals. Some of these obstacles are definable, like
difficult circumstances, negative people, and your own bad emotions. Others are
harder to define. Sometimes you don’t know what’s standing in your way. Maybe
all you need is a little more information or one more connection, but you can’t
see it. And you can’t see anything changing. You keep throwing yourself
against the obstacle over and over again, but nothing is happening. It’s
times like these when you can start to feel out of control. Like nothing you do
matters. Like nothing will ever change. In times like these, it can be easy to
sink into a state of learned helplessness.
Every obstacle has a
breaking point. Like rocks, most obstacles weaken without showing any obvious
signs of weakening. But there are signs. You just have to know where to
look. Here are 13 signs that you’re about to break through an
obstacle:
1. When you’re
frustrated.
I went to a Tony
Robbins’ Date
With Destiny seminar in Australia a couple of years ago
and there was a big sign on the wall that read, “You’re frustrated? Good! It
means you’re about to have a breakthrough!”
The biggest
breakthroughs in my life have happened after intense periods of frustration.
But it was my frustration that drove me to keep trying. A lot of people will
tell you to woosah and do yoga and let go, which is all fine and good but
staying a little pissed off is what’s going to actually get you to your goal.
Apathy is your enemy,
not anger. Anger is always more useful than despair.
2. When you hear radio
silence.
Being ignored or blown
off is one of the first steps to having a breakthrough. Don’t take it
personally. Just see it as a challenge.
I used to sell very
expensive medical equipment on the road. The sales cycle for this stuff was
super long, like 6 months to a year. Sometimes I would get a lead and follow up
with them 30-50 times, once every 1-2 weeks, before closing or moving on. And
most of the time these leads wouldn’t answer my emails or phone messages. But
guess what, I kept calling. Because they were reading my emails and
listening to my phone messages, even though I couldn’t see it. And when the
time came to buy, they replied.
3. When resistance
increases.
I used to hate conflict,
especially when starting a new project. But now I get excited by it. In fact, I
gauge how successful a project will be by how much initial resistance it gets.
The last few months I
was in graduate school my advisor started bullying me like crazy. He yelled at
me in front of other students, threatened to ruin my career and write letters
against me, and started doing paranoid things like deactivating my card
key. I was scared, depressed, and intimidated. But I kept coming into
the lab to work. Then one day, when I least expected it, he sent me an
email telling me that I could graduate.
Don’t be afraid of
people coming against you and don’t shy back from being bullied. People
fighting against you is often a sign that you’re headed in the right direction.
4. When they start
laughing at you.
I didn’t fit in very
well in graduate school. I wasn’t freaky smart like some of the other kids and
my ADD-brain had a hard time focusing on details. I pretty much knew right away
that I didn’t want to be a professor. When I shared this with some of
the other students they made fun of me and said I was wasting my time in
graduate school. To be honest, I thought I was wasting my time. But
then I found some other people like me who were using their degrees to be
successful in business.
Being mocked or feeling
like a misfit can make you want to give up. That’s normal. Everyone wants
to fit in to some extent. The key is to not let the desire to fit in keep you
from having a breakthrough.
5. When you want to give
up.
Don’t feel guilty for
doubting yourself or your path from time to time. And don’t feel bad for
wanting to quit. Instead, lean into this feeling. Because it means that you’re
close to a breakthrough.
Never wanting to quit is
not a sign of strength, it’s a sign that your goals are too small.
6. When you start
rationalizing.
In a recent study, two groups of people read that lowering the speed limits in
their cities would make people safer. The first group was told that this
legislation would definitely come into effect. The second
group read that it would probably happen, but that there was a
small chance government officials would vote it down.
People who thought the
speed limit was definitely being lowered supported the change more than control
subjects, but people who thought there was still a chance it wouldn’t happen
supported it less than these control subjects. In other words, if
people think something is absolute like a new speed limit (or, failure), they
will find a way to rationalize and accept it.
Failure is never an
absolute. All breakthroughs are proceeded by failures — a lot of failures. But
failure is only temporary. So don’t rationalize your failures. Instead, learn
from them and use the urge to rationalize them as a sign that you’re one step
closer to success.
7. When you feel like
changing your goals.
Think of your biggest
goal in life as a giant mountain peak.
No matter what mountain
you’re climbing, there are going to be times when you want to stop and settle
before reaching the top. There will also be times when you want to get
off the mountain altogether and start climbing one of the prettier mountains
next to you. This is normal.
The higher you climb on
one mountain, the better you’re able to see all of the other mountains. But
that doesn’t mean you should stop climbing the one you’re on. It means you
should start climbing harder. Imagine how many other mountains you’ll be able
to see (and conquer) once you reach the peak.
8. When you’re told to
be realistic.
Intelligent
people refuse to pursue realistic goals. The more
you’re told to be realistic, the closer you are to doing something amazing.
9. When it really hurts.
Breakthroughs are
painful. The first person through a wall always gets bloody. Don’t shy away
from this pain. Expect it. Invite it. And use it to stay motivated.
Right when it hurts the
most is the moment when everything will fall into place.
10. When the numbers say
you’re wrong.
Sometimes mistakes turn
into “Eureka!” Moments.
One of the first
experiments I did in graduate school was a total failure. We were looking at
the expression levels of a certain gene in T cells. Everything we knew about this gene at the time pointed to the
idea that it should be expressed at very low levels in these cells. But
every time I tested it the expression levels turned out to be really high. This
made no sense and I was sure that I was making a mistake.
Eventually, we learned
that the gene was supposed to be expressed at high levels in these cells. I had
been doing the experiment right all along. My mistake ended up
leading us to a lot of new discoveries.
11. When people turn
their backs on you.
When my advisor sent me
an email saying that I could defend my thesis he also told me that I wouldn’t
be able to do any more experiments in the lab due to some trumped up charges
about using another person’s reagents. This other person was both my lab mate
and friend and she knew my advisor was lying. But she never said anything.
I don’t blame her
though. Because I was leaving, and she had to stay and work with my advisor every
day.
Breakthroughs are
life-changing events. Moving forward often means leaving other people
behind. When this happens, don’t be surprised if some of these people
turn their backs on you. Be forgiving. Because, in a way, you’re turning your
back on them by leaving.
12. When people try to
help you.
As soon as I passed my
comprehensive exam after my second year of graduate school, I decided to drop
out. One of the deans, who had a close relationship with my lab, caught wind of
this and called me into his office. He talked things out with me and
helped me see why I should stay. His insight and motivation helped
empower me through the next 3 years.
Some people can see
things that you can’t. Let these people help you. Let them be a part of your
breakthrough.
13. When you’re scared.
I was terrified of giving
my thesis defense in front of my advisor who had tried really hard to keep me
from graduating. I was also scared because graduating meant that I would have
to start a new career and be a new person. But I forced myself to do it.
Right as you start to have
a breakthrough is when you’ll want to shrink back the most. Because that’s when things get real. That’s when you have to step
up and step into a new way of living.
Changing your life is
scary. But being afraid is normal. It’s just part of the process. It’s a sign
that you’re having a breakthrough.
Om saam te vat, die
noodsaaklikheid van wag is iets waarteen ons opkyk as hierdie geweldige
obstacle in ons pad. Dit lyk onoorkomlik. Die aanvalle en die pad blokkades
veroorsaak dat jy twyfel. En net soos ek, moet jy ‘n besluit maak. Hoe
belangrik is jou drome en begeertes vir jou. Gaan jy dit laat vaar of gaan ons
deurdruk. Soos tydens die geboorte uur waar jy deur daardie geboortekanaal moet
gaan om lewe te smaak. Ek gaan beslis deurdruk. Stop is nie deel van my
persoonlikheid nie. Is ons saam in hierdie stap?
Mag jou drome jou oorweldig, jou
laat snak na asem. Maar bowenal dat die wonderwerk jou in dankbaarheid laat
juig wanneer dit deurkom.
Ek het nou ‘n Diamant Diva groep
ook begin, skakel gerus in en word deel van die gesprek.
Tot ‘n volgende keer, skitter net
waar jy is.
Lynelle Clark: DIAMANT DIVAS.
Die program vir die enkellopend waarin ons saam gesels oor al die slagysters, vrae, vrese en vreugdes van die enkel lopende.
WOENSDAG 5 JUNIE 2019 om 10h00 SA Tyd.
