Wanneer wag onverstaanbaar is deur Lynelle Clark

Onlangs moes ek oor Wag skryf vir ‘n kompetisie by een van die skrywersgroepe waar ek betrokke is.

En soos genoem in die stuk moes ek teen die tyd al ‘n Meestersgraad hê in wag.

Daar was ‘n stadium wat ek baie ongeduldig was, as ek nog ‘n skrif kry oor wag gil ek.

Voel julle ook so?

Ek het tot bekering gekom in 1992, om presies te wees die 29ste Februarie. In die skrikkeljaar. Daardie dae is nog baie lewendig in my gees. Ek was ongelooflik opgewonde oor God se Woord en het dit letterlik opgeëet. Op daardie stadium was ek ‘n huisvrou en het tyd tot my beskikking gehad om werklik in die woord te delf. Alles was nuut, alles was bevraagteken; elke skrif, gebaar, tydvak ens. Die predikant moes sy storie ken tydens bidure of huisbesoeke. Ek het letterlik gevoel ek kan op water loop. Maar soos tyd aanbeweeg het, wou ek bruikbaar wees. En soos enige nuwe gelowige wou ek in die gawes wandel. Ek wou ook “werk” vir die Here. Nou ja, my perspektief het nogal baie verander wat dit betref sedertdien.

Ja, ek het my gawes ontdek. Ja, God het my begin gebruik. Dit was ‘n tree vir tree tydperk. En ja, ek het foute gemaak. Soos enige jong gelowige maak struikel ons maar terwyl ons leer, en ons kweek as te ware ons geloof. Dan begin die begeertes, en jy toets God daarin, net soos wat Hy sê jy moet doen. En dan, so asof iemand die aanknoppie druk begin die wag vir sekere deurbrake.

In daardie tyd was ek naïve en maar baie opgewonde. Ek het geleer om te luister en saam ander gebid en vertrou vir mede gelowiges se deurbrake en begeertes. Baie het waar gekom, deure het oopgegaan. Ons het baie wonderwerke beleef. Bedieninge is begin en grootoog het ek toegekyk en geglo dat ek ook geseën sal word met my eie bediening. Dit is, indien ek die groeipad tot die einde toe voltooi. Maar helaas, dit het nie gebeur nie.

Ek praat nou nie van wag vir kos, of wag jou beurt af, of wag ek is nou besig nie. Of wag in die ry by die bank of winkel nie. Nee, ek praat van wag vir daardie droom, of ideale wat brandend in jou  binneste bly. Die drome wat jou ‘n unieke wese maak en jou begeester op hierdie aarde. Dit is langsame tydperk wat elke area van jou lewe toets; en nou, na amper 30 jaar, wag ek nog.

As kind wou ek altyd die wêreld sien, wou lugwaardin word maar my lengte het teen my getel. Die Suid Afrikaanse Lugdiens se aansluitingsvorms was alreeds reg om gestuur te word. Ek het Duits geneem as derde taal om internasionaal te kon vlieg, maar als was tevergeefs. Ek was helaas te kort. Maak nie saak hoe lank ek gewag het nie ek wou net nie langer word nie. Daardie droom het lank gevat om dood te gaan. Eintlik, as ek eerlik moet wees, is dit nog lewend. Om die wereld te sien ‘n brandende droom wat net nie wil blus nie. Veral noudat my seun en beste vriendin anderkant die groot waters bly.

Op 27 wou ek graag verder gaan studeer as pastorale sielkundige maar die woord wag het sy opwagting gemaak in daardie soeke. Skrifte het gedurigdeur opgekom oor wag.  Woord is ontvang oor wag en ek het gewag. Dae het maande geword en is opgeneem in die jare daarna. In die begin het ek geglo dat God se tyd perfek sal wees. Ek wou ook graag Israel besoek maar ek moes wag. Daar was nie getoi-toi soos my mede landsburgers om my sin te kry nie. Nee, ek het gewag soos ‘n gehoorsame kind dat God die deure sou oopmaak.

Die woord wag was later soos ‘n kniehalter wat my met weersin gevul het. Tog het van die wag in vervulling gekom en het ons ‘n besigheid in 2004 begin. Dit was werklikwaar ‘n wonderwerk, en ek dink baie aan daardie tyd nog in eerbied. Ons het maand vir maand gegroei in die besigheid. Kontrakte bekom, staff gekry en kon nie genoeg dankie sê nie. Toe word dit weg gevat en moes ons wag vir nuwe geleenthede. Dit was ‘n geweldige skok en het sy vernietigende spoor in ons lewe gelaat. Die wag vir ‘n wonderwerk om daaruit te kom het nooit gekom nie. Ons het als verloor en op die ou einde is die huwelik ook daarmee heen. Die sweef het ontaard in ‘n nagmerrie met geen antwoorde nie.

Daar was geen towerstaffie wat ons lewens kom aanraak en dit verander het nie. Die wagtydperk het my geleer om met niks klaar te kom. Selfs kos. Wie het nou kos en krag en ‘n dak oor jou kop nodig as jy moet wag, in elk geval? Wag het so ‘n geestelike konsep geword waarmee mense jou wil sus. Indien jy nie wag nie dan voel dit jy is die een wat die pad byster raak. Jy is die een wat die fout maak om oorhaastig te wees. Terwyl jy eintlik net wil oorleef en jou menswaardigheid wil terug kry, maar nee, jy moet wag. Ek moes baie veg teen die bitterheid wat by tye my oorweldig het. ‘n Bitterheid wat als verswelg het.

Wag terwyl jy honger het.

Wag terwyl jy in donkerte sit.

Wag terwyl die kinders se lewe moet aangaan en jy niks vir hulle kan doen nie.

Wag terwyl jou vrouwees tot in sy wese weg geruk word en jy net ‘n dop is. Dit het veroorsaak dat ek opstandig geword het net om weer die wêreld in die oë te kan kyk. Want sien, daardie wag breek jou af, geestelik emosioneel en fisies. Jy gaan dood van binne en haal net fisies asem. Daar is niks oor nie. Jy is afhanklik vir alles van almal om jou en jy word as te ware ‘n las. Niemand gee dan om hoe jy geleidelik sterf van binne nie. Daar is niemand met antwoorde nie. Geen menslike raad wat jou uit hierdie pad uit ruk nie.

As ‘n goeie Christen moet jy wag totdat… maar daardie totdat gebeur nie. Jy pleeg sonde omdat jy ongeduldig word. Omdat jy God bevraagteken. Dan draai mense hul rug op jou.

Die ander deel daarvan, daar word op jou neergekyk omdat jy, volgens dieselfde kritiese mense, niks doen om jou daaruit te kry nie. Maar jy het niks om iets te doen mee nie! Maak ‘n lening, moes ons menigmaal hoor, of gebruik daardie kredietkaart. Nee, ek het nie ‘n kredietkaart nie. Onthou ek het als verloor. Ek is geswartlys en toe bankrot verklaar. So verduidelik vir my watter kredietkaart moet ek gebruik om iets te begin?

Dit is dan wat die mense stil word, oplaas het hulle nie antwoorde nie en stap weg. Agterna moet jy hoor… hulle wil nie gehelp word nie. RERIG? Dit is om van naar te word. Elke persoon se sienswyse oor hoe jy moet oorleef verskil en jy word soos ‘n ping pong bal rondgeslinger tussen elkeen se leerstellings.

As skrywer wag ek vir my deurbraak. In die proses skryf ek en het ek al heelwat geleer van die boekwêreld. Ek het geleer om die Internet baie suksesvol te gebruik. Die wag proses tog ‘n goeie tydperk van leer en groei.

My finansiele onafhanklikheid is nog iets waarop ek moet wag. Elke moontlike deur vir werk slaan in my gesig toe. Verkoop Avon, sal iemand sê… dit sal jou net R300 kos om die eerste goed aan te koop… Nuus flits, ek het nie R300 nie. Jammer, dan kan ek nie help nie. Verkoop Herbalife, dit kos net R500. Ek het nie R500 nie. Ag sit dit op jou kredietkaart… rollende oë. Jy sal die geld vinnig terug maak. Dit is sulke tye wat ek dan in vreemde tale wil praat. Wat verstaan mense dan nie?

Vir drie jaar het ek huise verkoop, sonder sukses en gestop. Want dit kos geld om ‘n agent te wees. Ek het alles moontlik gedoen om myself te bekwaam en daardie finansiele onafhanklikheid te verkry. Maar moes dit stop.

Nou in my soeke na werk hoor ek nogsteeds, “Jou deurbraak is om die deur. Jy moet net wag en glo.” 

Ek het op ‘n plek gekom waar ek die drome eenkant gesit het, maar dit is moeilik. My pad met wag duidelik nog nie op ‘n einde nie. Wat ek nog moet leer, weet nugter. Maar ons wag. Want dit defineer my geloof en my gehoorsaamheid.

So glo mense.

Wag is voorwaar nie vir sussies nie. 

Wat het die onderwerp met diamante te doen, wonder jy heel moontlik?

Om ‘n diamant te word sluit ook ‘n wag tydperk in, nie waar nie. Vir ‘n diamant om tot volle heerlikheid te kom is jare te kompakte donkerte nodig. Dit is ‘n geskuur van aardplate om die gewenste sterk en skitterende diamant te kan kry wat effektief glas kan sny.

Net soos jy, moet ek ook my pad stap. Dit is by tye onverstaanbaar, nie waar nie.

Maar wat het ons al geleer in die wag tydperk?

Ons is aanpasbaar.

Ons kan enige probleem oorkom of self oorleef.

Ons leer nuwe vaardighede aan.

Ons leer om geduldig te raak.

Ons perspektief oor die lewe verander.

Ons naiewe uitkyk verander.

Ons word groot as te ware.

Omdat ek nog self antwoorde soek moes ek weereens my vingers die soekwerk laat doen.

Ek het op ‘n paar websites afgekom waar dit eintlik baie goed verduidelik word. Die een wat wel vir my uitgestaan was die inligting deur Isaiah Hankel. Die skakel sal ook agterna beskikbaar wees op die blogpost.

You’re About To Have A Breakthrough…

Obstacles are like giant rocks between you and your goals. Some of these obstacles are definable, like difficult circumstances, negative people, and your own bad emotions. Others are harder to define. Sometimes you don’t know what’s standing in your way. Maybe all you need is a little more information or one more connection, but you can’t see it. And you can’t see anything changing. You keep throwing yourself against the obstacle over and over again, but nothing is happening. It’s times like these when you can start to feel out of control. Like nothing you do matters. Like nothing will ever change. In times like these, it can be easy to sink into a state of learned helplessness.

Every obstacle has a breaking point. Like rocks, most obstacles weaken without showing any obvious signs of weakening. But there are signs. You just have to know where to look. Here are 13 signs that you’re about to break through an obstacle:

1. When you’re frustrated.

I went to a Tony Robbins’ Date With Destiny seminar in Australia a couple of years ago and there was a big sign on the wall that read, “You’re frustrated? Good! It means you’re about to have a breakthrough!”

The biggest breakthroughs in my life have happened after intense periods of frustration. But it was my frustration that drove me to keep trying. A lot of people will tell you to woosah and do yoga and let go, which is all fine and good but staying a little pissed off is what’s going to actually get you to your goal.

Apathy is your enemy, not anger. Anger is always more useful than despair.

2. When you hear radio silence.

Being ignored or blown off is one of the first steps to having a breakthrough. Don’t take it personally. Just see it as a challenge.

I used to sell very expensive medical equipment on the road. The sales cycle for this stuff was super long, like 6 months to a year. Sometimes I would get a lead and follow up with them 30-50 times, once every 1-2 weeks, before closing or moving on. And most of the time these leads wouldn’t answer my emails or phone messages. But guess what, I kept calling. Because they were reading my emails and listening to my phone messages, even though I couldn’t see it. And when the time came to buy, they replied.

3. When resistance increases.

I used to hate conflict, especially when starting a new project. But now I get excited by it. In fact, I gauge how successful a project will be by how much initial resistance it gets.

The last few months I was in graduate school my advisor started bullying me like crazy. He yelled at me in front of other students, threatened to ruin my career and write letters against me, and started doing paranoid things like deactivating my card key. I was scared, depressed, and intimidated. But I kept coming into the lab to work. Then one day, when I least expected it, he sent me an email telling me that I could graduate.

Don’t be afraid of people coming against you and don’t shy back from being bullied. People fighting against you is often a sign that you’re headed in the right direction.

4. When they start laughing at you.

I didn’t fit in very well in graduate school. I wasn’t freaky smart like some of the other kids and my ADD-brain had a hard time focusing on details. I pretty much knew right away that I didn’t want to be a professor. When I shared this with some of the other students they made fun of me and said I was wasting my time in graduate school. To be honest, I thought I was wasting my time. But then I found some other people like me who were using their degrees to be successful in business.

Being mocked or feeling like a misfit can make you want to give up. That’s normal. Everyone wants to fit in to some extent. The key is to not let the desire to fit in keep you from having a breakthrough.

5. When you want to give up.

Don’t feel guilty for doubting yourself or your path from time to time. And don’t feel bad for wanting to quit. Instead, lean into this feeling. Because it means that you’re close to a breakthrough.

Never wanting to quit is not a sign of strength, it’s a sign that your goals are too small.

6. When you start rationalizing.

Rationalization is the path to learned helplessness.

In a recent study, two groups of people read that lowering the speed limits in their cities would make people safer. The first group was told that this legislation would definitely come into effect. The second group read that it would probably happen, but that there was a small chance government officials would vote it down.

People who thought the speed limit was definitely being lowered supported the change more than control subjects, but people who thought there was still a chance it wouldn’t happen supported it less than these control subjects. In other words, if people think something is absolute like a new speed limit (or, failure), they will find a way to rationalize and accept it.

Failure is never an absolute. All breakthroughs are proceeded by failures — a lot of failures. But failure is only temporary. So don’t rationalize your failures. Instead, learn from them and use the urge to rationalize them as a sign that you’re one step closer to success.

7. When you feel like changing your goals.

Think of your biggest goal in life as a giant mountain peak.

No matter what mountain you’re climbing, there are going to be times when you want to stop and settle before reaching the top. There will also be times when you want to get off the mountain altogether and start climbing one of the prettier mountains next to you. This is normal.

The higher you climb on one mountain, the better you’re able to see all of the other mountains. But that doesn’t mean you should stop climbing the one you’re on. It means you should start climbing harder. Imagine how many other mountains you’ll be able to see (and conquer) once you reach the peak.

8. When you’re told to be realistic.

Intelligent people refuse to pursue realistic goals. The more you’re told to be realistic, the closer you are to doing something amazing.

9. When it really hurts.

Breakthroughs are painful. The first person through a wall always gets bloody. Don’t shy away from this pain. Expect it. Invite it. And use it to stay motivated.

Right when it hurts the most is the moment when everything will fall into place.

10. When the numbers say you’re wrong.

Sometimes mistakes turn into “Eureka!” Moments.

One of the first experiments I did in graduate school was a total failure. We were looking at the expression levels of a certain gene in T cells. Everything we knew about this gene at the time pointed to the idea that it should be expressed at very low levels in these cells. But every time I tested it the expression levels turned out to be really high. This made no sense and I was sure that I was making a mistake.

Eventually, we learned that the gene was supposed to be expressed at high levels in these cells. I had been doing the experiment right all along. My mistake ended up leading us to a lot of new discoveries.

11. When people turn their backs on you.

When my advisor sent me an email saying that I could defend my thesis he also told me that I wouldn’t be able to do any more experiments in the lab due to some trumped up charges about using another person’s reagents. This other person was both my lab mate and friend and she knew my advisor was lying. But she never said anything.

I don’t blame her though. Because I was leaving, and she had to stay and work with my advisor every day.

Breakthroughs are life-changing events. Moving forward often means leaving other people behind. When this happens, don’t be surprised if some of these people turn their backs on you. Be forgiving. Because, in a way, you’re turning your back on them by leaving.

12. When people try to help you.

As soon as I passed my comprehensive exam after my second year of graduate school, I decided to drop out. One of the deans, who had a close relationship with my lab, caught wind of this and called me into his office. He talked things out with me and helped me see why I should stay. His insight and motivation helped empower me through the next 3 years.

Some people can see things that you can’t. Let these people help you. Let them be a part of your breakthrough.

13. When you’re scared.

I was terrified of giving my thesis defense in front of my advisor who had tried really hard to keep me from graduating. I was also scared because graduating meant that I would have to start a new career and be a new person. But I forced myself to do it.

Right as you start to have a breakthrough is when you’ll want to shrink back the most. Because that’s when things get real. That’s when you have to step up and step into a new way of living.

Changing your life is scary. But being afraid is normal. It’s just part of the process. It’s a sign that you’re having a breakthrough.

Https://www.isaiahhankel.com/breakthrough

Https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-key-to-spiritual-breakthrough

Om saam te vat, die noodsaaklikheid van wag is iets waarteen ons opkyk as hierdie geweldige obstacle in ons pad. Dit lyk onoorkomlik. Die aanvalle en die pad blokkades veroorsaak dat jy twyfel. En net soos ek, moet jy ‘n besluit maak. Hoe belangrik is jou drome en begeertes vir jou. Gaan jy dit laat vaar of gaan ons deurdruk. Soos tydens die geboorte uur waar jy deur daardie geboortekanaal moet gaan om lewe te smaak. Ek gaan beslis deurdruk. Stop is nie deel van my persoonlikheid nie. Is ons saam in hierdie stap?

Mag jou drome jou oorweldig, jou laat snak na asem. Maar bowenal dat die wonderwerk jou in dankbaarheid laat juig wanneer dit deurkom.

Ek het nou ‘n Diamant Diva groep ook begin, skakel gerus in en word deel van die gesprek.

Tot ‘n volgende keer, skitter net waar jy is.

    

ELAN GLOBAL RADIO
Die Stasie Vir Passievolle Mense
https://www.elanglobalradio.com/

Lynelle Clark: DIAMANT DIVAS.
Die program vir die enkellopend waarin ons saam gesels oor al die slagysters, vrae, vrese en vreugdes van die enkel lopende.
WOENSDAG 5 JUNIE 2019 om 10h00 SA Tyd.

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— with Lynelle Clark.